God bless you Bishop Meeks!

So I went to my old Bishop's funeral today and it gave me a lot to think about. I haven't had very many people close to me pass away, but the few funerals I have been to always leave me with feelings of determination. Kind of random right? I guess funerals, especially the funerals of people who were faithful till the very end, give me greater determination to improve and be faithful. It makes me want to live my life in such a way that I would be missed if I were to suddenly pass. Life is fleeting and one never knows when time might be up.

I don't think death is a scary thing though; I'm not scared of suddenly getting the swine flu and awaiting the eminent death (joke...I think that the swine flu has been blown out of proportion so far. Maybe it will be a pandemic, but I think right now people are just freaking out to freak out). I know right now that I could stand with a clear conscious before God. I'm not perfect, but I'm doing my best to improve and live righteously, and repent when I inevitably mess things up.

Now moreso than any other time in my life I love life; it really is an adventure and I'm grateful for the experiences and trials and blessings that I've had and continue to have. I trust that God will keep me here until my work is done, and when that time does come I will gladly return to my Heavenly Father. Life is for living righteously, and in death the righteous life continues.

We get what we focus on consistently!

"Into the hands of every individual is given a marvelous power for good or evil--the silent, unconscious, unseen influence of his life. This is simply the constant radiation of what man really is, not what he pretends to be....Life is a state of constant radiation and absorption; to exist is to radiate; to exist is to be the recipient of radiation.
"Man cannot escape for one moment from this radiation of his character, this constant weakening or strengthening of others. He cannot evade the responsibility by saying it is an unconscious influence. He can select the qualities that he will permit to be radiated. He can select the calmness, trust, generosity, truth, justice, loyalty, nobility--make them vitally active in his character--and by these qualities he will constantly affect the world."
(Author Unknown, but quoted by Spencer W. Kimball in the Miracle of Forgiveness)

My pilgrimage

I realized today (as I was driving to Washington) that Tacoma is sacred ground to me. Honestly, my mission was my Gethsemane, but also my Sacred Grove. I need to go back every few months to put myself back together, to make myself whole again. I'm so grateful for my mission; everything good that I have in my life right now is a direct result of my mission and I am eternally grateful for that.

The scent of life is not always sweet

It's interesting how sometimes you can just feel yourself falling apart piece by piece, moment by moment. At first you don't even know what's happening and you refuse to accept that you're still not strong enough to keep it all together. You know everything in your world will eventually all work out, but you're just not excited to be sinking once again, unable to truly see the beautiful world around you because you're so consumed with not being sucked further down.
And then the rain comes...

Oh the irony of life...

...What goes around, comes around.

Always change

So my summer plans have taken a drastic hit. I started a charity in India back in November, and my summer plans involved traveling to the east to work to better people's lives. I was also going to conduct 3 research projects there (getting credit toward graduation, and hopefully presenting my research at a conference in October). But unfortunately, my partner for the charity has taken a serious blow to his health, making it impossible to go (doctors were so blunt as to say "sure you can go, if you want to die". They weren't joking around...). So now I don't know what I'm going to do. There's options, but I don't know which one is necessarily best (and I really don't want to stay around Provo, and it's looking like that is the most probable route at this point).

There are lots of opportunities for me if I do stay here--keeping my jobs, getting on with school, going to the temple, the gym, maybe relaxing a bit--but there's part of me that just wants to leave. I think part of that is because my best girls are leaving and most of my good guy friends. And then there are some situations I would just rather avoid that confront, you know.

But I guess I'll just have to figure it all out (soon would be preferable because the summer officially starts for me on Wednesday afternoon....yikes!). I like change, but I like it more when I'm kind of in control of it (the control freak in me shows a lot sometimes I guess...).

Surprise, surprise.

Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And i will try to fix you